The wrong approach to the right outcome

My mother's home state of Iowa, at least her adopted American home state, just joined the ranks of Massachusetts and Connecticut in legalizing gay marriage. While within my worldview this is ostensibly a very good outcome, I am worried that achieving equality through the courts has the possibility of reducing sexual orientation equality in the long run. As we have seen in California, many Americans (possibly rightfully) feel that this is an unfair attack on their democratic will. As a result, California's voters recently voted to constitutionally ban gay marriage in response to their courts decision, this outcome is of course much worse for supporters of gay marriage than if the courts never ruled on the matter.

As I have said in earlier posts, I feel that removing that state's role in regulating marriage, in place of more economic based civil unions would be an optimal situation for all but the most traditional and conservative citizens of the Union. However, this is sadly unrealistic in my opinion. The best path for equality in marriage given this country's culture and history should would involve action by voter referendum or through democratically elected legislatures. Sadly, this requires waiting until a majority of the American people are ready to accept the idea of legalizing gay marriage. Now comes my own predicament and one within the GLBT community. How can I tell my gay friends that they must wait until the American people are ready for them to be equal? How would I feel if someone told me I must wait for the country to be ready for my Jewish father to marry my gentile mother?

There are very few things that would make me happier than full scale legalization and acceptance of same sex relationships in this country; however, I fear that doing so through the courts may do the movement far more harm than good. I am proud of Iowa and the Midwest today, hopefully nothing will cause that feeling to dissipate.